Are you a Tomb?

Hate is a dead thing. Who of you would be a tomb? (Kahlil Gibran)


Life is full of pain. None of us is immune to it. As we share the earth with others, we occasionally end up in situations where someone has "done us wrong".


When this happens, our hearts fill with rage and we want to get even. Sometimes we sit in shock and stare straight ahead, yet at other times we cry, releasing a small portion of the pain.


But what do we do with the feelings for the party that has "ruined our lives"?


I'll tell you what the worst thing is that we can do - hate! Hate shackles our hearts to them for all eternity. Hate opens up a well of bitterness in us so deep that it will not be released. Hate adds pain to the injury.


We all have the stories.... sad, sad stories of betrayal and heartache. It seems that in life we cannot sidestep those growth opportunities for they sometimes hit us out of left field from those that are closest to us.


Forgiveness is the answer. Do they deserve forgiveness? Maybe not but we will someday hurt someone else unintentionally and will really want to experience their forgiveness of us. It's all about passing the grace to one another and in doing so you release yourself from your debt to them. We will be forgiven with the very nature that we forgive others. 


There are many books written on forgiveness - it's a complex process. Basically forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling. It is an act of obedience. Sometimes it has to be applied to a situation moment by moment. For this moment, I choose to forgive. I do not feel it - I feel ripped off, hurt, slighted, angry. I want a big asteroid to fall from the sky and take them out. I want every bad thing conceivable to happen to them. I wish them the worst kind of harm. I hope they shrivel up and die in the pain that they have inflicted on me. (A little insight into how utterly human I am). But instead, I'm releasing this right now and choosing to forgive. I'm doing it because it's what I'm supposed to do and I'm doing it because I can't live with the consequences for me if I don't do it. I feel badly that I've been put in this position that I have to choose to forgive, but to forgive is the higher road and I'm going to take it.


The next step of course is BLESSING those who have hurt you! Sometimes that step takes a little time. The pathway through your emotions cannot be rushed. If you can get to this stage, a greater blessing and peace will come to you, but again, it's done as an act of the will, not by feelings. 


I've lived many years now with multiple opportunities to forgive and it still doesn't come easily. I will say that through the years I have decided to overlook things that earlier in my life would have offended me. I just don't want to look for trouble anymore. Sometimes I miss warning signs telling me to proceed with caution because I've chosen to close my eyes to the harm that the person in front of me is inflicting on my spirit. Because of this, I've had some really unfortunate awakenings.


I've chosen to take this pain and turn it into wisdom and insight. This wisdom that has come with a price, is now something I want to put out there for others. It's my own little way of kicking back at that evil that wants to keep taking us all down. We just can't let it have the best of us! We can't let it take us down to the grave!


Ok, it's your turn. It's time to examine your hearts and see if you may be holding hatred or resentment today. If you are... start the process of releasing it.... it's good for the soul!

Trust and Forgiveness

Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspicious. (B. C. Forbes)


The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them. (Ernest Hemingway)


Have you ever been burned; I mean really burned? Have you given your trust to the wrong person? Perhaps it was a love who pursued you relentlessly only to dump you when they caught you.  Maybe it was a marriage partner who abused you, berated you or cheated on you. Did a parent abandoned you or a friend betrayed you. Perhaps it was a co-worker who stabbed you in the back resulting in job loss and financial issues.


We all have our tales of woe. People who "done us wrong". It stinks.... and there is really no cure for our hearts when bad things happen to us but to grieve and move on. Part of moving on means to forgive. If we hold on to the grievances for too long we become bitter and ugly people.


When we forgive it doesn't mean that person is "off the hook". The truth is that people are going to have to live with the consequences of their actions. The fact that they were untrustworthy says more about their character than yours. In addition, most of them stand to lose the relationship because your ability to trust in them has been compromised. 


Often when we have been burned we resolve that the problem was that we trusted too deeply. To trust is human and an act of love on our parts. To react to bad eggs by becoming suspicious of all others, only cuts off opportunities in our lives to have solid relationships with positive people. Not everyone is untrustworthy, in fact I still like to believe that more people have integrity than don't. To become an "untrusting" person will only hurt you in the long run.


This isn't to say that we sidestep the "getting to know you" process and jump in too quickly with intimacy and deep secrets. Proceed always in relationships with wisdom and caution. Never give too much too soon, but keep your innocent and trustworthy nature.


So if you have been burned in a big way and have resolved never to trust again, take a step back and consider how many people HAVE been trustworthy in your life. Don't cut yourself off from the masses and from love because of a few big duds.... Take a chance and trust .... it's good for the soul!