Grief

It's too painful... this loss to fresh.

The loss of my dear father... the man that gave me life and sustained me...

The man who taught me to drive, taught me about God, taught me to be a servant,

He was the man who passed on his gifts to me... preaching, pastoring, teaching, loving...

Yes, my part Jewish father loved the Lord with all his heart and soul and dedicated
his life to service in the christian church.

He never skipped a beat. From the inner city of Paterson, NJ, to the farmlands in upstate New York and finally culminating with the New England crowd serving two churches as interim pastor and enjoying every minute of it.

My dad, full of grace and love, to his family and all others. A beautiful man... one of a kind.

Suddenly, out of the blue, after getting a clean bill of health, my dad passed on yesterday.

A healthy, athletic man... dropped dead in the early part of his elder years.

There was no time for final goodbyes -

There was no "you were the best dad and I love you soooo much" .... time

There were no "thank you for all you've done for me" and " I will miss you greatly" time

But I took the time throughout the years daily to tell him I love him.

There was always a kiss and a hug greeting me on my arrival.

I did stop by and chat with him when time allowed. When he smiled at me, I knew it was all going to be alright for he had a direct line to God. This Godly man was taken from the earth before there was TIME.

I want MORE time. I want more time - just a little more to tell my dad... thank you.

Thank you for you were a great blessing from God and I treasure all that you have passed on to me.

Thank you for being my hero and showing me that there are good men out there.

Thank you for your great faith in God.

Thank you for teaching me to love and serve and believe the best of people.

I want more hugs and kisses - they made my day... filled me with life.

I want MORE time for he and my mom to just hang out and do their thing. Being the stable couple that they always were. 52 years plus as a team and a unit. The stable factor in my life. Two very different people coming together to bring complete unity and love to our family and to the world.

I did let him know a few days ago that I was glad God spared him and that I wasn't ready for him to go yet. He reassured me that he would be around a long time.... I guess that wasn't his to reassure.

No one knows the time that you will be called away.

My dad was my number one faithful blog reader. He was my strength, my security, my grace, my love.

He stood tall above other men, not just in stature but in spirit.

He thrived on adventure.... and loved all people great and small.

He was love personified and it has been more than a few that have said to me that if they could see Jesus today, it would have been him.

He fought for the side of good in the race wars, bringing people to unity in Christ.

He planted a church.

He built Habitat houses through out the city of Paterson.

He was instrumental in starting an addicts rehabilitation center.

He was used to start an alternative school.

He led multiple people to the Lord AND buried them. He helped people off of drugs, poverty, despair, and brought more food to people than I've probably every seen. He loved all and served all in whatever way was needed. He was never too great.

Yes, he held a PhD but never used the title. Humble to a fault.

Yes, this beautiful, godly man has been taken so suddenly from the earth that none of us had a second to pause and release.

We believe he is in a better place - filled with family and friends. He was always ready to go, never afraid of death and still believing he'd live on into his late 80's at the very least. He died at age 77.

The world is now without a full picture of grace. Churches are without their spare pastor. Groups of young preachers are without their older and wiser mentor who knew so much and shared so greatly.

A woman is without her husband. Grown children are without their father and grandchildren have lost their grandpa. The world will never be the same for us. I've lost my dog sitter, my errand man, but mostly my spark.

Stories now come out of the woodwork about how my father has touched others lives. In 55 years of active ministry, done to the fullest, of course that would be the case.

My father had integrity. He walked the talk. He kept the faith. He fought the good fight.

He was one of a kind. A man with a broad smile and sparkly eyes that brought love into the room and into the hearts of those he spoke with. He was a jewel of the most beautiful kind.

So here I am.... going through the motions. I'm living a form of life, without the essence of life. It will take time.....

My life and the lives of others were forever changed by Stanley Jay Vander Klay born in May on Mother's Day. He was a great gift to us all in his time. and now his memory will live on in my heart and  the hearts of others forever.