"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." - Vincent Van Gogh

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

How to be a happy woman

Yesterday I spoke about what women need from men. Perhaps that was putting the cart before the horse because first and foremost, women need to be true to themselves.

From the time we are young, fed by those great fairy tales, we all grow up dreaming about the prince that will carry us off on the white horse and we will live happily ever after. Already in middle school or even sooner in many cases, women school themselves on how to find that man that will make them happy. We learn to flirt to get their attention, or act helpless or primp ourselves so we are as gorgeous as possible to snag that man. Some women try to "dumb down" so they aren't overpowering the men with their brains or abilities, or "throw a game" so they don't beat the man in sports. (I really hope that women aren't still doing that!)

Fulfillment in life is seen as getting married and having children. If a girl hasn't had a kiss by the age of 16 she often feels like there is something wrong with her. I have spoken to more beautiful, capable, talented women who feel like they are defective because they aren't in a relationship with a man! In fact, I have a really funny video to show you if you can relate to this topic! It's a little crass so if you are prone to be offended, don't watch it, but this video hits the nail on the head.

Women after a certain age start to feel really desperate that life has passed them by and aggressively start to pursue men. Becoming less discerning, women decide to make a relationship work with anyone so that they are not alone. In addition, I've noticed that many men are getting more passive and letting the women do all the work. It's all messed up. Men are designed to be the hunters and women love to be chased. You may be able to push a man into marrying you, but chances are you won't be too fond of the husband he is. If he is indecisive about his love for you, it's not going to stand you in good stead later on when you have problems. In addition, he may be the kind of guy that can't make decisions and being married to someone like that can be extremely frustrating. You don't want to take the lead for your whole life, you want someone that will walk beside you as equal partners.

It is better to be alone than to be in a bad marriage. It is better to stay single than to be with the wrong man who doesn't "get" you or love and support you. Why are we so afraid to be alone? Because we think the only way to be happy is with a man. The solution to this is simple, learn to be happy with yourself! Learn how to meet your own emotional needs. It's really your job!

So how do we do that? Well first by taking care of basics. There are a million articles on how to take care of yourself - eat right, exercise, take time to do the things that you enjoy, get a good education, land a great job and be financially self-sufficient, understand yourself, stay plugged into your Source, have a group of really great girlfriends... etc. You know the drill. These are the things I write about daily, how to take care of your soul! Only you can do it. You know exactly what you need right now in this time of your life. If you don't, sit for a few minutes and think about your troubles.... the pain of your problems will lead you on the search to a solution. The solution points to what you may be lacking.

In order to help you with this process I have compiled a few of my favorite links that can be a springboard to some research in finding your own emotional balance and pleasure as women. 

Mama Gena's School of Pleasure is an outrageous and fluffy guide to using your womanly wiles to carve out a happy life. She talks about pleasuring yourself in order to bring sunshine and joy around you. Your pleasure is contagious and opens doors of joy as you walk through life. A bit of happiness never hurt anyone! She's got a few books out like "Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts", "Mama Gena's Owners and Operators Guide to Men" and "Mama Gena's Marriage Manual". See her website here.

As an artist, I have enjoyed "The Artists Way" by Julia Cameron. She has many books directed toward the creative person full of wisdom and tidbits. Check out her website at JuliaCameronlive.com.

A new find for me is Oriah. This woman has a similar journey as I have had, struck down by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome at the age of 30 (I was 27), she has dealt with chronic illness her whole life and has learned to live richly despite her limitations. She writes poetically and poignantly about life and getting all that you can from it. She too has some great books out! Her website is oriahmountaindreamer.com.

Sometimes, when I am feeling a bit out of control, I like to recite positive affirmations that center me and remind me of my inner strength. Louise Hay has a few great books out on the topic. I also enjoy some Dr. Wayne Dyer or Marianne Williamson to give me a larger picture of life. If you have a smart phone, there are great apps available where you can go and read or listen to affirmations that will put you in a more positive mindset for the day. And don't forget Maya Angelou for some great wisdom and insight. I LOVE that woman!

The point is that all that you need these days, thanks to the www, are really right at your fingertips! Facebook is saturated with all kinds of pictures with little ditties and wise sayings. Pinterest is full of great images that inspire you for the tasks at hand. It's all there for you! All that is needed is for you to take the time to do it!

A woman's emotional needs are as individual as they are. The point is to stay in touch with your feelings and not bury them deep in busyness or some of the "comforts" that we reach for when feeling down. Be real about your feelings and your pain. Get some help from a professional if you need to talk about some hard realities or need help getting in touch with your emotions.

Meditate, do yoga, pray, go to church, take a hike or walk around the neighborhood, sit on the beach and stare at the sea.... do what it takes to center yourself and find the core of your joy. Make the time to do this.... you can't afford not to. As a woman there are many people leaning on you, you can't afford to fall apart and you can't always count on a man to keep you glued together. More often than not, they are the source of your becoming "unglued". (So sorry men....) 

One last tip. Pay attention to your environment, to creating beauty around you. Clean up your junk, paint a room a new color, buy yourself some fresh happy flowers, take a nice bubble bath, light candles or get the battery ones if you are prone to a bit of ADD, put on some great music, dance around the house.... whatever it takes.... keep your spirits elevated and happy. 

You can do this women! Men, you can too in your own way! I'm not sure that I can begin to touch on that since I'm pretty engaged in my womanhood but I know there are men's sites out there that will help you be the manly man that you want to be or get in touch with your sensitive side. 

So today, it's time to take care of YOUR emotional needs. Don't worry,  you won't become self-centered and let your duties go toward your family... you will become self-saturated and that love will spill over onto your loved ones in great ways. You will be a sexier wife, a happier mom and a better employee and friend. Stop pushing your own needs aside and trusting that someone else will take care of you and then resenting them when they don't.... Take care of yourself... it's good for the soul!

No comments:

Post a Comment