I had a talk with my husband of 23 years last night about what a woman needs from a man and in doing so I realized two really important things; men don't have a clue and neither do the women! I guess I supposed that by some osmosis of a miracle, a man would grow up and know how to treat a woman. Ideally, every little boy should be taught by their fathers both in word and in deed on how to nourish and care for their wives but I'm afraid in the breakdown of life, there seems to be a scarcity of men on whom this honor has been bestowed, or perhaps they have learned all too well from their fathers... the bad lessons.
This does not let those men off the hook however! In this world of the internet and many books, there is a plethora of information for the bewildered man who doesn't know why his wife isn't the sweet, loving woman that he courted.
Many men believe that if they work hard to bring in the money, help a bit around the house and are attentive fathers that they have covered their responsibilities. Doing those things are important and if they are not done you lose points in a woman's book however that's not enough to cultivate a woman's garden. A woman's soul is a tender flower that will shut down from neglect and even quicker from mistreatment. She may stay with you, but once her soul is closed it will take great effort on your part to open it again.
A very in-love wife shared with me a few weeks ago about how her husband prepared years before he met her to be the perfect husband. In addition to praying for her for six years before she entered the scene, he read books and made himself to be the best man that he could. This blessed woman is thriving in their marriage and their children are also the greatest recipients.
Women demand a lot - it's true. We demand that we be the one and only. We demand your adoration and respect. We demand that you listen to us and understand us. We want tender touches and embraces. We want to be wooed, wined, dined and romanced through our whole life with you. It doesn't work to win our hearts and then leave us for your jobs, tv, ball games, nights out at the bar and your computers. We want your attention! No, we don't need you 24/7, but a woman who is not getting her basic needs met by her man will start demanding more and more in an attempt to get some of what she is looking for. Pretty soon the woman becomes a nag and the man is baffled. Eventually the woman will build a wall around her spirit and might find male attention elsewhere.
A little note to women. We all have a responsibility to learn how to nurture ourselves too. (We'll deal with that another day). Our spouses can't do it all. We women are strong, resilient and marvelous creatures and highly resourceful. We don't really NEED a man.... it's just nice to have one.
As a woman, I've been down all the roads. I know what it is to be loved and I know what it is to be neglected. I can tell you that the man who values me to the end, wins my heart and all that goes with it. The man who neglects me and worse, dishonors me, holds neither my heart nor my life. It's really that simple. Win her soul and yours will thrive too!
Whatamanknows is a blog that helps men be men. Click here to read this great article on 4 Things a Woman Needs from you.
This is a blog written from the Jewish perspective. Great short article on meeting the needs of a woman. Click here to read it.