"If you hear a voice within you say 'you cannot paint,' by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced." - Vincent Van Gogh

Saturday, December 22, 2012

How are you shaping up?

It's been a few weeks since I've reported on my new vegan challenge. I have to admit, it hasn't been easy. My youngest daughter has been baking up a storm the last few days - lots of mint choc brownies going in and out of this house. She also gifted the home with about 5 pounds of york peppermint patties (my favorite) from school. To make matters worse she made gluten free chocolate chip cookies and in my mind in some area, I can trick myself into thinking that they are "healthy" as we got them from the health food section of the grocery store. I DID have one fresh out of the oven the other night and I thought that I died and went to heaven.

The other day we ventured on a college visit and ate at the school cafeteria. That was a hard one to navigate! In the food court were pizza's of every kind, hamburgers and french fries, spaghetti, deli sandwiches an alas... a salad bar. Did I mention the fresh DESSERT bar?! After spelling all of the delights I grabbed a plateful of raw spinach, topped it with a few seeds and went over to the soup bar. I grabbed a cup of lentil soup (which tasted more bland than dirty dishwater) and then grabbed a bit of whole grain spaghetti with sauce. I have to tell you... watching everyone else eat their pizza and boston cream pie pretty much did me in.

Later that evening we went to a pub to grab a sandwich. The girls had fried fish and chips and chicken parm and my husband had a burger and fries. I found a vegetable wrap on the menu (the only thing remotely healthy) and ate a few sweet potato fries (I know but I was STARVING). It has been so difficult.

As I think about Christmas Eve chinese food (YUM) and Christmas dinner with patrician potatoes, ham, shrimp, maybe scallops and then desserts galore I have to admit I have some severe angst going on in my system. My cute little black dress has to be worn a month from tomorrow and it still is rather tight on the top end. I don't want to mess up resolve and results with so many temptations barraging me at every turn!

I am making progress although it seems slow. My wedding rings once again fit my fingers. I purchased a pair of  jeans two weeks ago and at the time couldn't imagine getting them fastened. Today I wore them for about 10 minutes... still complete with muffin top but on none the less. I've sized down consistently from an XL to a L and for that I am grateful. All this in 2 months of exercise and 6 weeks of veganism and eating around 800 calories a day. It's a hard price to pay... slow long term gratification verses immediate pleasure - especially when everyone else is enjoying themselves to the hilt this holiday season.

I just keep reminding myself of my goal. I venture into stores more often and spend great amounts of time trying things on in the dressing rooms, imagining when they will fit me and then they will be too large. I tried on my dream sweater the other night- and it looked marvelous! However, I realized that in 2 short months, it would be too large and I wouldn't like it anymore. These temporary beautiful clothes will soon be my fat clothes and will make their way to the second hand shop so I have to hold back on them too. Ah... good old holding back.... putting off joy till another day.

I didn't even make it to the gym this week! With all the activities of kids coming home and visiting colleges and all that I've been plumb tuckered out. I'll be kind of glad when the holidays are done.

But I'm going to take my own advice and cherish the moment. Maybe I'm not enjoying my food a whole lot and I'm not getting my precious yoga classes in, but I DO have my family home and the holidays are after all about love and sharing more than they are about food. When I'm on my death bed I doubt that I will regret having forfeited the chocolate mint brownies.

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